“If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.” John 13:8b
When my wife and I celebrated our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, we decided to take a Caribbean cruise. We had always talked about doing it but just couldn’t justify the expense. However, a milestone event like this anniversary seemed to be the perfect excuse to take the splurge. So on a cold Saturday in January, we headed south for a week of fun in the sun on a ship from one of the major cruise lines.
Of course, the experience was everything we had ever heard of and more. The food was out of this world – the entertainment top notch. From beginning to end our every need was met. In fact, each evening our cabin steward would turn down our sheets and place a small piece of chocolate on our pillows. We were truly being pampered.
Yet as enjoyable as all that was, it created a certain unsettledness in me. For the next few years I concluded that I was just uncomfortable having others do menial tasks for me that I was quite capable of doing myself. Having someone else turn down my sheets somehow seemed demeaning to them as if I was better than they were, and I didn’t want to treat people that way. So I congratulated myself about my spiritual sensitivity on the matter.
But lately I’ve reached a more troubling conclusion about my uneasiness. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I like being a self-sufficient person. I was raised that way, and in some respects it’s an admirable trait. But it has a dark side. When you’re self-sufficient, you don’t want others doing something for you, because it points out your weakness and dependence. And it makes you somewhat beholden to them. After all, look what they’ve done for you.
I find myself wondering how much this attitude carries over into my life with God. Does my spirit of self-sufficiency rob me of more expressions of undeserved grace that God wants to give me? Do I use my self-reliance as a shield to protect myself my from a deeper sense of obligation that would come if I more readily admitted my neediness?
Something tells me that Peter must have struggled with some of these very questions when Jesus tried to wash his feet. On the surface, he didn’t think it was right for Jesus to be performing this task when he was quite capable of doing it for himself. But the real issue was deeper than that, and Jesus knew it. Peter’s hesitancy was a way for him to maintain his pride and self-sufficiency. However, if he wasn’t willing to let go of it and allow Jesus was wash his feet, he could never truly be a part of Him.
Thankfully, Peter relented, and it opened the door to a deeper discipleship. I’ve found the same to be true in my case when I’ve released my own prideful, self-reliance and allowed Jesus to give me His undeserved gifts of mercy and love. The same can be true for anyone. Sometimes you really do need to have your sheets turned down for you.