Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love. For many of us, it’s our favorite word. Yet as important as it is to us, we often struggle understanding what it really means. Take the concept of falling in love. We meet someone, and we’re attracted to them. Then we find out that this person is attracted to us. Something moves deeply within us, and we like how it feels.
In the same way we talk about falling out of love. In this case, for a myriad of reasons, we no longer feel the flutter in our hearts that we once did toward the object of our love. Perhaps we’ll stay in the relationship or maybe we won’t. But either way, we’ve “lost that lovin’ feeling” as The Righteous Brothers sang.
Notice that in both falling in and out of love the central role that feelings play. This way of defining love dominates our culture and explains why there is such a deficit of true love among us. We think that love, real love should be easy, because we feel it. But the truth is that love is love even when we don’t feel it which is hard.
Just look at the way Paul described love to the Corinthians. Unlike the romantic way these words are often portrayed in wedding ceremonies, Paul’s call to love is anything but easy.
Love is patient instead of lashing out toward those who are exasperating.
Love is kind instead of spewing every unkind thought in our mind.
Love does not envy by allowing jealousy to fill our hearts about the life we think others are living that we can’t have.
Love does not boast; it is not proud by thinking that our way is always the right way.
Love does not dishonor others by acting or saying disrespectful things.
Love is not self-seeking by demanding our way or only thinking of ourselves.
Love is not easily angered by allowing the slightest offense to fester within.
Love keeps no record of wrongs instead of endlessly rehearsing every unjust thing done to us.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth instead of scheming and deceiving to get our way.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres instead of quitting when the way of love becomes challenging.
Love never fails to be the right course of action even when our feelings urge us to pick a different course.
See what I mean when I say that love is hard and isn’t based on our feelings. In fact love is often counter-feeling. It calls us to act in loving ways toward others when our feelings are demanding that we act the opposite way. This is why it’s so hard. The fallen part of ourselves would much rather do anything other than love in these moments. Because love demands a kind of dying to self that most of us will do just about anything to avoid.
When I struggle with loving, I often find it helpful to remember that there are times when I am anything but loveable myself. And what I’m needing more than anything in those moments is for others around me to grant me the gift of love. It’s unlikely that they will be feeling it. But they can still choose it. And when they do, God has a tool to work on my heart in ways that nothing else can.
So if you’re waiting on something or someone to “bring back that lovin’ feeling,” wait no more. Instead choose love even when it’s hard.