Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches. Acts 15:36-41
I remember reading a story about a church that got into a major uproar over whether praise to God should be spelled Alleluia or Hallelujah. The issue in question was the presence or lack of the “A” at the beginning of the word. The church became so divided by it that a brick was thrown through the window of a Hallelujah supporter with a message taped to it which simply read, “Alleluia.” Amazing.
I wish such a story was a rare example of Christians when they disagree with each other. Sadly, such is not the case. Perhaps one of the greatest scandals of the church today is the inability of believers to work through their differences in a God-honoring way. Of course, such breakdowns in relationships are not new. We see it in the early church as well when Paul and Barnabas had such a sharp disagreement that they parted from each other to continue their missionary work separately.
I’ve thought a lot about that story over the years. In doing so it’s tempting to want to excuse the relational rift especially when it concerns Paul. However, we much remember that as special as Paul was, he wasn’t perfect. Neither was Barnabas. And neither are we. Nevertheless, we can learn something from their experience that I think might help us when we disagree with one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.
There is much to observe here, so I’m going to spread my thoughts over three posts. As you read these reflections on the text, I hope you will insert yourself in the story with any struggles you have had with a fellow believer. In doing so, not only can past breakdowns be possibly healed but more importantly, future such breakdowns may be avoided.
Sincere believers can have serious differences.
Sometimes we assume that if believers are really sincere, then they will never disagree with each other. Not so. Take Paul and Barnabas, for instance. They are certainly not lightweights when it comes to being devoted followers of Christ. Together they helped start and strengthen churches during the early years of Christian expansion. We are the benefactors of their work.
Nevertheless, they had a serious disagreement. Barnabas wanted to take John Mark with them on their next missionary journey. Paul didn’t. Why? Because John Mark had left them for unknown reasons in the past. Perhaps Barnabas wanted to give John Mark a chance to redeem himself. Paul thought differently, very differently. It seems that in his mind that John Mark’s past decision had disqualified him from further consideration. So the lines were drawn, and neither of the men budged. So the breech in relationship happened.
I contend that if such a breakdown could happen between these two believers, it can happen to any of us. So any thought that we are immune to such things is a fantasy at best. Sincere believers are going to see things differently at times. Occasionally, their differences can be significant. It’s what they do next that determines whether there is a breakdown or not. But for now, we need to accept the fact that differences happen regardless of how devoted believers are to the Lord.
Broken relationships between believers hurt both parties regardless of who is right.
Here we have to read between the lines a bit, but that shouldn’t be too hard. Just consider any breakdown you may have had in a relationship with a fellow believer. Hurt is inevitable, especially if that relationship was close at one time. It doesn’t matter who was right. Both get hurt. The loss of the relationship is significant simply on a human level. But when you consider the fact that believers are to be about the business of reconciliation, the breakdown has a spiritual dimension to it. Believers know of the importance of maintaining healthy relationships with other believers as a way to authenticate the faith. When that is broken, it adds another layer of pain to what is already painful.
I’ve experience the pain of broken relationships with believers over the years. Some of it has faded with the passing of time. Other incidents can still bring up the pain when I remember what happened. Sadly, I tend to solely think of the pain I feel. In my better moments I think of how the other person must feel when they remember the breakdown. Either way, there is pain involved. Believing that you are right doesn’t make it any better.
Being right about something needs to be balanced with being loving and kind.
Though it’s possible that one or both of these men were simply being stubborn, it seems that both Paul and Barnabas were convinced that they were right in their opinions. There’s a certain danger that comes when you believe you’re right about something. If you’re not careful, being right becomes the only thing that matters to you. Any thoughts of being loving and kind are shoved in the corner, because you’ve convinced yourself in the rightness of your position.
I’m not suggesting that we need to reject our own opinions. Rather they need to be held in balance with being loving and kind. Such an attitude keeps the channels of communication open. It also avoids attacking the person or dismissing them simply because they differ with you. But that’s hard. It’s challenging to act lovingly and kindly when we are convinced that we are right. Be that as it may, it’s a challenge that must be met. Because when all you have is being right, there is little chance that the relationship will survive unscathed.